Never Ask: "What Else Can Go Wrong?"

A Question Now Permanently Banned in the Delfino House.

I mentioned in my previous post that when I got my cancer diagnosis I hosted a one person pity party. It was quite the shindig. I was mad, furious actually — at my body, at the universe, at the whole deal. How could I lose my dad, have to try to figure out my mom’s situation, leave my job (did I mention that I had hundreds of hours of sick time saved up?!) to start a new business, and then get cancer. Seriously?! WTF. I shouted “What else could go wrong?!” to one one in particular and the world in general.

What I did not know then, but do know now is that A LOT else could go wrong. Not that it would have made a bit of difference, but I should have kept my big mouth shut. Thus, the reason why the question — “What else can go wrong?” — is permanently banned in our house. Never ask the universe that question because you may not like the answer.

It is funny how a two week period of time can feel like a lifetime with one week so very different from the next. Two weeks ago, my family and I are reeling from the news that I have invasive breast cancer and are mildly concerned about the news reports over the spreading of the coronavirus. A week later: pandemonium. In the midst of me going to UCD Hospital every day for various tests and scans, our family’s lives take a drastic detour. Sam has to move out of her on campus apartment with just 72 hours notice and come home from college in Boston. Ben is trying to figure out how to do his junior year online. The SATs are cancelled after Ben (and all the other kids) spent hours and hours prepping for the test. Ben’s club soccer season is put on hold, which also affects Chris because he is an assistant coach. I am already working from home upstairs in Sam’s room. My mom is working downstairs in our office. As soon as we realize Sam is coming home, we have to move me out of Sam’s room down to the office and move my mom entirely out to the back house. Chris starts working from home (he is in the dining room). All sports are suspended or cancelled (a big deal in our house). Tom Hanks get coronavirus. We start using terms such as “social distancing” and “flattening the curve.” As far as I can tell, the only being in the Delfino clan excited about this whole situation is Ruby, our dog, who is thrilled that her humans are together with her non-stop. She has so many choices of feet to sleep on!

I’ll be honest, this global pandemic has freaked me out. I’ve washed my hands so many times that the skin on my knuckles is cracking. I have anti-bacterial wipes at nearly every door and sink, in my purse, and in my car. I have started to wipe down the mail when it comes. I am already a bit of a neat freak, but this shit is next level.

I try to maintain my composure and keep my perspective. But, I think it is the whole UNCERTAINTY about what is happening that has me so on edge. Did I mention that I am a little bit of a control freak? Questions fly through my mind: How long will it last? Will we stay healthy? What is this doing to our 529 plan? What about our retirement? How will this effect Chris’ job? Will I ever get any work again? Will my very short list of clients stop paying me? Will my mom — who is 78 — be safe? Will Chris’ parents — who are both not in good health and aged 79 and 81 — be safe? What if one of us gets sick with something else? How does this affect my chemotherapy? OMG. I am going to be one of those high risk people with my immune system in the tank during chemo treatment. You can get a sense of what goes on in my head at 3 AM sometimes.

Now, I could keep spiraling down this dark hole, but this blog is about turning lemons into lemonade. So, I am going to stop with the litany of fears accompanied by the cacophony of anxiety. Instead, I am going to point out (1) why I am so damn lucky and (2) some funny and good things that have come out of the current pandemic. I hope my list and observations spur all of you to think about some of the silver linings associated with living through a pandemic. I’m not making light of what is happening, but I am trying to focus on some of the good that is mixed up in all of the craziness.

Why am I so damn lucky? I have five reasons, but really there are a lot more. I’m keeping it to five because you probably have better things to do than read an exhaustive list. First, both Chris and I have jobs. We did not get laid off like many people in the restaurant and hospitality industry or who work in what has been classified as non-essential stores or who provide non-essential services. It is so hard to think about how stressful it must be to suddenly lose your job in the middle of a freaking global pandemic and then have to worry about rent, food, healthcare and other basic needs. Second, not only do Chris and I have work, but our jobs are such that we can work from home. Neither of us have to get up each day and go outside and interact with other human beings who could infect us and our family with this virus. I think about that each day. First responders, doctors, nurses, other health care professionals, truck drivers, farm workers, store clerks, pharmacists, postal workers, and the list goes on of people who have to get up everyday, say goodbye to their loved ones, and go to work to keep us safe and secure.

Third, our kids are home with us. It might be a little more crowded, but they are here with us safe and sound and able to continue their education online (which is something else to be grateful for: we have internet access and computers/ipads — when many do not). Fourth, our parents are in safe places. My mom is right here with me so I do not have to worry about her being all the way in Utah. Chris’ mom and dad are at their home with his brother and sister checking on them daily. Finally, we have an amazing group of colleagues and friends who provide huge support every day so that we can limit our outside interaction. We have had friends drop off wipes and wine (yes, that was the combination — definitely a first), veggie lasagna (delicious – had it tonight for Meatless Monday), books, flowers, and wipes and Tylenol (Chris tried to kill me after my port surgery when he did not realize that the only Tylenol we had was Tylenol PM — not something one should take while still doped up on Verced/Fentanyl).

What are some of the good and funny things that have come out of this pandemic? I am going to keep the rule of FIVE here, too. First, people are pretty darn funny and are working hard to entertain themselves and each other whether it is on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or TikTok. Yes, I have discovered TikTok much to my kids’ chagrin. I purposefully sent them into fits of embarrassment when I asked them what the hell is this “Smeeze” thing. Second, I am loving all of the free concerts online from various artists — Neil Young, Chris Martin, Steve Martin, the Chino Hills High School Chamber Singers, etc. Music really does soothe the soul. Third, our neighborhood seems like it has become Mayberry with people out walking, kids playing in front of their houses, and neighbors sitting outside and waving to each other. [NOTE: All of this has been done with the required 6 feet of social distancing.] Fourth, people are getting pretty creative with how to interact together, but still apart. I have seen neighborhood dance parties online. Two blocks over, folks had a happy hour in which everyone got their beverage of choice and sat on their front lawns and yelled across the street at each other. Chris and I did a Zoom Friday Happy Hour with friends that lasted 40 minutes (the amount of free Zoom time). Another friend has started up a whole collective of friends putting up their white boards outside of their houses with inspirational or funny quotes. Just down the street, chalk art appeared on the sidewalk. Tonight, Sam did a Netflix movie watching party with a bunch of her college friends. Fifth, and finally, people are working hard at helping others. College kids (including my own) are volunteering to tutor other kids online if they need it. People are donating blood (which is really, really needed). Others, who have had to shut down their businesses, are working at how to repurpose what they do to help others (to make food, respirators, masks). Neighbors are checking on elderly neighbors.

My hope is that once we have moved through this current challenge, we do not forget what we have learned about ourselves; about our colleagues, friends and neighbors; and about those who sacrificed during this time to help get us through and those who struggled. We need to ensure that we do not fall back into old habitats and old ways of thinking. After nearly four years of our country and society being divided by economics, racism, xenophobia, politics, and the parade of nastiness that we have endured, we need to work on how we come together and move forward into a new and better era. If we can do that, then we really did make some lemonade out of lemons.